I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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