I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
