Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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