Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
