I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
