She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
