The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
