remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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