I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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