you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
