you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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