you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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