She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
