Pappa wants mamma naked
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
