It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
