I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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