so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
