even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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