Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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