I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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