dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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