Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
