Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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