North Korea, Best Korea!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
