hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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