your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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