This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
