Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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