I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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