Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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