Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Floor bacon is actually really good
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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