Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
