I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry my hands just texted you
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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