It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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