There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
