i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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