I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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