Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
