my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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