pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she peed on how many people?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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