bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
