In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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