ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
