An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
