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running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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