At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
