you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
