I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
