I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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