Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
