theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
