Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
