you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
