he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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